Yes it’s the March newsletter in frickin’ April. So sorry. You know what? I’m tired of the bitching and moaning.
I quit, fuck you.
HA HA, April fool’s. I couldn’t quit you guys. Literally. I can’t quit. I’m afraid some of you would jump off a bridge or start popping off celebrities if I didn’t give you Bucket-Heads your monthly fix of gruesomeness.
Anyway, here we go.
LEADERBOARD: We’re just gonna do top 3 from now on, I do have a life outside of Death Bucket, ya know.
#1 And he says get used to it losers! Shad “the Red-necked Dominator” Hawbaker, with 28pts!
#2 First he steps on your foot, now he spits in your eye! Shad “Tiny Bait-Fish” Hawbaker with 23
#3 Comin’ down to the main stage.. give it up for the one and only, Ms. Andrea, with 21pts.
The rest of you Bucket-Heads need to catch up! Let’s see some big #’s in April.
MAN ON THE STREETS: Last month I asked about gruesome celebrity deaths. You guys finally played along and I got some doozies!
Cathy J. answered with Vic Morrow who, along with 2 Vietnamese children, died while filming Twilight Zone. Pyrotechnics caused a helicopter to crash, falling from the sky and crushing the three. Nice, Cathy, thanks!
Ellen said Roman Navarro, the original Ben-Hur and Mexican heart-throb. Roman was killed by two young men he paid for sex. They beat him badly but the actual cause of death was asphyxiation from drowning on his own blood! There is also a rumor (Ellen told me and I didn’t fact check so I may be speaking out of school, but..) the two men shoved a glass dildo down his throat and that caused the asphyxiation. Dildo or blood, either way it’s not exactly going down in a blaze of glory.
Here’s a couple more I lifted off of Facey-space:
Andrea: Lupe Velez, she was left by the father of her unborn child. She took a large dose of Seconal, got nauseous, went to throw up in the toilet slipped, fell, and drowned in the toilet.
Serina: Elizabeth Short, though only famous after death, she was cut apart and mutilated and left with one hell of a smile that made a lasting impression.
I know I usually do 5, but this was fun. Here are two from my own research.
Ola Brunkert, the drummer for ABBA, fell through a glass partition separating his home’s kitchen from the garden, and the glass broke and fatally cut his throat. (Dude, does anyone else picture Dancing Queen blaring and this dude jumping thru a sliding glass door?!?)
And finally, have you ever heard of a DOT bar? Maybe a Mansfield bar if you’re a trucker. It’s called that because in 1967 while on her way to New Orleans, the blond bomb-shell Jane Mansfield was scalped when the car she was riding in rear ended a tractor trailer and slid under it, killing her and two men, all in the front seat. After that the NHTSA required a strong bar, made of steel tubing, to be installed on all tractor-trailers. Also called an under-ride guard. Holy hell, what a way to go.
Alright, enough fun. April’s question is a little different. We’ve talked about the Poltergeist Curse, but what are some other Hollywood curses and what celebrities died? You can comment here or email. Oh and Facebook, too.
Fun Facts: The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide is the mosquito.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle.
Adolph Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
I’ll leave you with this one. Think about it as you eat all your Easter Candy: Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.
Ha! Alright, until next time. Have fun and be good. Remember to stop by every once in a while for updates. Look around the site and don’t forget to check out the Primate of the Month.